Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize