i permit you to call me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
