Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
