walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
