3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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