he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize