remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize