well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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