Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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