...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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