Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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