I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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