Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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