yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
