You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Shame - the story of my life.
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