i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
