would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
