you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
