Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
