At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
