We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
