just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
