Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
