did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
