you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
