I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
