i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
