i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
