At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
