Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize