I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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