and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
