I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
