I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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