My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
