I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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