as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
