oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
