I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
