something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
