this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
