Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Will exercising make me less horny?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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