I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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