I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
