All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
