He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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