apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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