he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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