I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
