Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
