Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
