i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
