It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
well you can't waste a boner
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
