I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
