I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize