He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
