Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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