can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
