I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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