he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
