Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
