Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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