dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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