Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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