i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize