Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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