Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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