I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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