I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
